


Plumb Exorcist

by ElpisKomaeda



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: A Little bit of Homophobia, Alternate Universe, Angel is a Homophobe/Douchebag, Blood, Bon and Rin too idiotic for their own good, Bon the prodigy. He's a little- too good, Crack, Customer/Exorcist in training!Rin, Everyone Is Gay, Except Juuzou and Mamushi, Eye Contact, Fire, Fujimoto worships MLA format, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Konekomaru curses, M/M, MIA Paku, My First Fanfic, Plumber!Bon, Plumbing AU, Possibly Hand Holding, Possibly a little gay, Satan - Freeform, Shima is a perv as usual, Slow Burn, Takara! Liberal Arts Major, Takara! reformed man, Take the plunge, Yelp Reviewer Shiemi, Yukio Kindergarten Trauma, death by toilets, demonic toilet water, plumbing, relationships, toilet demons, tsundere Izumo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26383906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElpisKomaeda/pseuds/ElpisKomaeda
Summary: So basically True Cross Academy is a Plumbing Exorcist school where demons are in the pipes. They be living in the sewers and the only way to leave is through toilets.
Relationships: Houjou Mamushi/Shima Juuzou, Kamiki Izumo/Moriyama Shiemi, Konekomaru Miwa/Takara Nemu, Okumura Rin/Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji, Okumura Yukio/Shima Renzou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. Satan the Toilet King

\--------Prologue --------  
It was a bright and early morning, Rin was fired from his 5th job this week Home Depot was tough on him. He entered the monastery his father screaming for him,"Rin get yo ass in here with the toilet paper!" Rin ran with toilet paper in hand. He enters,"Hello yes I am here oh my goodness what in tarnation happened here father!" "Aw yes I see you have what I needed. You see that? That is a demon Rin and they want you."  
"They want me?" Rin nervously asked shivering toilet paper being brought to Papa Fujimoto.  
"Yes they want you Rin you see you and your younger brother, Yukio, are the sons of Satan." Fujimoto asked grasping onto the toilet paper in hand,"Don't worry about me I may be stuck here but go check on your brother, make sure he's okay." He tossed him a sheathed plunger,"Don't unsheathe it if you do so you will lose your normal human life." Immediately after those words Rin unsheathed the plunger looked up and frowned.  
"Oh... Sorry I got too excited when you said plunger." Rin said disappointingly as his new blue tail drooped down like a dogs tail except bluer and is on fire.  
Fujimoto let out a great sigh,"You really are something kid but you need to leave now take this phone and call the one contact he will help you now let me go back to fighting this strong demon." Rin ran off.  
"I hope dad can fight constipation on a day like today I heard Tuesdays are a hard day for him." Looking at a plunger catalog "Ooh should i get that one ooh maybe this one.. But I don't have enough money." He turns the next page vertically,"Ooh and who might you be? You could plunge a man with this! Oh yeah I need to go find Yukio shit!"  



	2. Where the Hell is Yukio

It has been five hours since I searched everywhere for Yukio, the steamy sauna, the magazine shop (Ahhhh... the plunger magazines...), the supermarket I got fired from a week ago. "Where is that four eyed mole freak damn it!"

Rin punched the tall brown telephone pole and it shook a little. He took out Fuujimoto's phone,"maybe the number on the phone can help."

As he called, another phone rang near him. It was a tall, fancy, flamboyant man,"Hello there I am the head of the elite Plumbing School, my name is Mephisto Pheles and I am an acquaintance of Fujimoto's."

"By any chance do you know where my brother ran off to?" Rin said frustratedly.

"You have four choices Rin Okumura: we can kill you, you can kill us, kill yourself, or look for your brother which one you thinking of?"

"Is there a fifth option? Because I want to beat Satan's ass!" He said with determination in his eyes.

"Ha you think! You, the son of Satan, think you can beat him! You are very amusing. Hop into my pink limousine. I can give you a ride to True Cross Academy the most elite plumbing school in all of Japan and do tell me more about how you will "beat Satan's ass" with that plunger of yours." Mephisto said on the floor laughing taking a key out and suddenly the gay mobile pulled up.

We went into the limo and it was hideous. All of it was a very garish pink, the seats were all cheetah print, a jacuzzi in the back, old ugly carpeting, and cheap tea bags. (Oh please God I know I am the son of Satan and all but please help me through these rough times) Five minutes later we arrived. Oh my goodness the school looked so much better in real life than in the magazine advertisements I saw. "It's True Cross bitch!" Mephisto hollered out the window.

"Who asked?" Said... Wait is that... Yukio?

"This whole time you were here and didn't bother telling your poor older brother who looked all over for you?!" Rin exclaimed angrily swinging his sheathed plunger like a toy.

“Lets just go into the school already.” Yukio told Rin trying to get him to follow.

“Fine but you owe me,” Rin said to Yukio as they started to walk towards the principal’s office they opened the door. 

“Welcome back did you miss me?” Mephisto exclaimed, raising his arms. The office looked clean and lavish.

“We came here to get our dorm keys and after that we will be on our way” Yukio told Mephisto calmly.

“Here you are.” He handed them over and they had a small key chain of a plunger.


	3. The Garden of Shiemi's Dead Ass Grandma

"I don't believe it, it's so sad he was the impostor all along." Rin cried out while reading one of Yukio's manga.  
"Rin I don't want you soaking my manga with your weird fluid you should be studying. Have you even bothered to look at any of the material I gave you yesterday?" Yukio asked the sad Rin.  
Rin stared at him,"Oh boy did I look at them but what is with this for kids crap. Do you take me for a moron?"  
Yukio thought for a few seconds,"moron? No. Idiot? Yes."  
"Mole infested four eyed-" Rin said furiously but Yukio interrupted him.  
"I thought that for a beginner like you; they would help you actually learn something for once." Yukio said crossing his arms looking down at Yukio.  
"You really think that I'm the type of person that can sit at a desk all day and study!" Rin said flailing his arms up and down out of frustration.  
"You? Not by a long shot but if you want to be an exorcist you need to take advantage of your days off." Yukio took down a hanger with a black coat hanged on it.  
"Where are you going?" Rin asked Yukio.  
"I was called and I need to get some very important toilet supplies at the supply shop." Yukio said while putting his coat on,"I won't be gone long."  
"You got called for an exorcism?" Rin asked Yukio. He nodded,"Then I am coming with you! Watching you would be more helpful then reading some boring kids book!"  
"Sorry but they don't allow trainees out on these missions." Yukio told Rin glumly.  
"Shush young one, I am coming with you to watch and that is final." Rin said to Yukio putting his finger on his lips.  
"OK fine but no funny business and don't you dare pull your plunger out ok!" Yukio said in a serious manner. Rin nodded.  
"This ancient relic here is a key to the supply shop. It is one of the many relics given to qualified exorcists. You see Rin you drop it into the toilet, flush it, and boom the toilet becomes a mini door you jump into." Yukio declared to Rin while they walked over to the bathroom. He dropped the key flushed it then a pocket of light appeared.  
"After you big brother." Rin jumped in first then right after him Yukio jumped in.  
"That felt really weird Yukio." Rin tried to say but was too dizzy.  
"Eh, you'll get used to it after a while." Yukio continued to walk perfectly straight.  
"But why have magically keys that work as work zones?" Rin said after snapping back into reality.  
"The academy is a base of operations for the Knights of the True Flush. The Head keeps it from getting attacked by mid level toilet demons. Plus why would toilet demons attack if they don't have any indoor plumbing?" Yukio looked back smiling.  
"Fair enough." Rin shrugged,"I mean Mephisto could have done worse."  
"Toilet keys are very important so if you are given one don't lose it or flush it down the wrong pipe line." Yukio spoken in a serious tone,"Ok we arrived just wait here while I gather the supplies and I swear to Toilet Jesus don't do anything stupid like talking to that girl over there." He pointed over to the gate.  
"Can I come too?" Rin whined.  
"No. Just stay here trainees like you aren't welcomed only authorized officials are allowed inside." He opened the door then left.  
"Jeez why is mister big shot treating me like a little kid. Don't do this oh I swear don't do that. What is he my mom?" Rin annoyingly said and after the door slightly opened.  
"You do realize I can hear you Right?" Yukio yelled across the yard.  
"Shut up and get your supplies already!" Rin yelled back. The door shut for the last time.  
"What is there to do? Oh yeah Yukio mentioned a girl and a fence. Might as well go check out what there is to see. Oh my Toilet Jesus this place has amazing flowers too! Why does that girl have a purple pansy? I hope she realizes that those flowers are the spawn of satan when it comes to weeds." Rin whispered to himself. He tried to open the gate but the door fell off," Whoops did I do that?"  
"Oh no we've got ourselves a demon!" The girl jumped up,"That gate has a spell on it and plus normal people don't cause my sturdy gate to fall."  
"I can pay you back... Not at the moment though I am a broke student." Rin sadly said.  
"Get away from me or else I will get my trusty bible!" Girl started to push herself away.  
"Watch who you call a demon! Don't jump to conclusions! We aren't even near a toilet right now!" Rin was getting pissed off.  
"Stay away!" The girl fell down. She could barely walk,"Don't come near me!" She started to crawl.  
"Is something wrong with your legs sis? They are relatively thin" Girl started to get mad at those words.  
"You don't tell a girl with a dead grandmother that!" Girl was really get mad.  
"Can you tell me the story of what happened and also by chance what's your name? Mine is Rin." He said feeling bad about what he said.  
"Fine but next time you ask something from me pay me 1,000 yen for fertilizer and my name is Shiemi!" Shiemi declared," This garden here was once my grandma's. I love this place with a passion. She taught me everything I know today! Last winter she had an accident in the bathroom and died. Now she is at rest tending to the Garden of Amahara I believe."  
"What is a Garden of Amahara?" Rin asked.  
"It is a place God made! Where God gathered all the plants in the world. I mean I am aware it's all a big fairy tale but I believe it is a special place I could wonder around smelling all the pretty flowers. I don't know where it is now but one day I will find it." Shiemi said happily,"But one day I decided to go on a trip looking for it. My grandma needed help taking down the bathroom but she let me go off. While I was gone, the bathroom caved in on her and when I returned she was lying there motionless if only I stayed to help her take it all down." Shiemi said with tears forming in her eyes. Rin went over to hug her.  
"Hey Shiemi don't worry her death is not your fault!" Rin proclaimed comforting her.  
"You mean it? Thank you for helping me!" Shiemi expressed smiling up at him.  
"Jeez Rin I just can't leave you by yourself can I? I told you not to go near Shiemi and here we are you chic magnet!" Yukio screamed running up to the gate.  
"Oh hey Yuki you looking dapper in that coat today!" Shiemi yelled to Yukio.  
"Hold up a minute you're telling me my brother is friends with a girl?" Rin was very confused and concerned.  
"I actually have more friends and admirers then you think big brother!" Yukio said making a very confident pose,"and plus her mom owns the shop I went to so I see her around often."  
"Ha loser!" Rin said just about to laugh.  
"Anyway Shiemi this is my older twin brother I am assuming you guys already know each other's names." Shiemi and Rin both nodded. Then Shiemi thought for a moment and then was shocked.  
"Wait you are younger than him? You look older and taller!" Shiemi was confused.  
"Yeah. Our mom blessed me with the better genes and I have more brain power than that lunatic." Yukio smirked.  
"Shush little brother you might be taller and wiser but I at least have an untainted heart you have much to learn." Rin said. Mama Shiemi walked up to Shiemi's view.  
"Come on daughter show this young man your legs."  
"Mom I told ypu my legs are healthy in every way, shape, and form. And not I mean not infected!" Shiemi said taking his legs out for Yukio to see.  
"Don't worry it is for safety percussion uh oh a root. Temptaint, the works of toilet demons. They have a chance of entering the fertilizer." Yukio looked at Shiemi in a serious manner.  
"So my daughter is not possessed is she?" Mama Shiemi worriedly asked  
"No not possessed that's for sure this demon is too weak to possess humans but one of the pansies is feeding off her soul, making her lose the ability to walk." Yukio confirmed," Normally demons feed off the soul after you talked to one did you by chance talk to a purple pansy?"  
"I talk to all of my flowers but I do remember one time a purple pansy in fact did respond to me and I remember it was that demon right there!" She pointed across the field.  
"Oh boy you just had to snitch on me didn't you?" The voice came from where she had pointed and then Shiemi fainted,"She really had to break our promise to keep this garden together?" All of a sudden, roots came out of Shiemi's legs and a big flower took her body over holding her arms up by vines.  
"Dammit! Flowers aren't supposed to bloom this late at night." Rin said all Yukio could do was stare at him for a few seconds.  
"The flower monster is using Shiemi as a shield so we need to make cautious attacks." Yukio noticed taking his plunger shaped pistol out loaded with holy toilet water,"Rin I think I am gunna need your help with this monster are you up for it?"  
"Finally my brother asks for me to help him. Sure I will help you!" Rin said smiling from ear to ear. He took the plunger sword out of the bag.  
"Oh, so you're a demon like me? How wonderful!" The flower monster said happily.  
"Hey, demon bitch don't get the wrong ideas; I am here to plunge you out of existence not help you!" Rin screamed out going behind the flower but it turned around preventing Rin from attacking. And continued doing so.  
"This fight is rigged I swear!" Rin grumpily claimed.  
"To demons it does not matter if a battle is one sided or not. I thought you already knew this boy!" The flower monster said in a cocky tone  
Yukio held his gun up,"Move out of the way Rin at this point I need to get a double kill!"  
"You must be bluffing, you can't be serious!"  
"Demon flower you could be right or you could be wrong." Yukio smirked.  
"Yukio." Rin said in a disappointed tone.  
Yukio shot at Shiemi's arm,"Ok Rin now use your plunger!" Rin slashed the demon and Yukio caught hima Sheimi.  
Shiemi gained her consciousness,"Oh Yukio, you are my one true knight in shining armor!" Rin stared at them with a depressing expression.  
"Now Shiemi the root is gone stand and all your worries will drift away!" She stood up happily.  
Mama Shiemi came back out,"Go over there and hud her already!" Rin slapped the top of Shiemi's head,"Man tell her your sorry, if not you will regret it!" She walked over to her mom.  
"You know there was a time when i was your age when I tried finding Amahara. Get over here already I am so sorry for everything!" Mama Shiemi pulled her daughter in her arms for a tight comforting hug.  
"So bro, is this a job well done?" Rin looked over at Yukio.  
"Yes it will be once her arm heals up again." Yukio smiled.  
"Well I mean that kind of was your fault." Rin shrugged,"Am I wrong?"  
"I want to smack you right now for getting smart like that, but you would call dad and complain to him saying that I hurt you." Yukio clinched his fist.  
"True that, now can you treat me to ice cream for a job well done?" Rin asked Yukio as they started to walk away.  
"Fine." Yukio sighed getting his wallet out.


	4. The Man from the very Cursed Temple

"Demons! Do not assault my lovely friend again!" Rin yelled out jumping from the sky, slashing the holy toilet demons in half.

"Thank you for saving my life, handsome young lad. Those demons got some butt whooping thanks to you!" Shiemi screamed out in delight.

"All in a day's work ma'am, those demons did not know what they had coming!" Rin's face twinkled a little in the sunlight. Suddenly, his other classmates appeared.

"It's not like you're the most adequate male exorcist here Okumura or anything!" Izumo exclaimed while looking away, flipping her pigtail.

"Well I wouldn't say that much but please, shower me with more compliments." Rin flipped his hair back heroically.

"We didn't know how else to thank you so please take our steaming hot meat." Shima held up a bowl of sukiyaki and Konekomaru started pointing at it.

"This is why you guys are the best people! Thank you!" Rin's face sparkled with delight then he started digging into the steaming hot meat. Then, a familiar manly voice called out.

"Rin how I have been so proud seeing you win over these ladies," Fujimoto claimed coming out of the shadows and gave Rin a big thumbs up," go get 'em tiger!"

"Okumura! Okumura!" A teacher yelled out in front of the class while Rin was knocked out drooling all over his desk.

"That was all I needed to hear, old man!" Rin blurted out.

"You know what Okumura, I won't even ask but just please don't fall asleep in class again!" The teacher scolded to Rin as he took out his book and turned to page 37. As the teacher started talking about how Adam and Eve took the first and greatest shit, Rin turned around and stared at Bon longingly.

"That dude from my magazines, called "Man's Greatest Plunge", has been keeping a mardy eye on me since day one. Streaked hair, at least three piercings, and the look of a rebellious teenager. Damn, he's so cool and hot! The old me would've attempted to challenge him to a duel and get spared. But, this boy has become a man; I will no longer challenge another man to a gladiator battle knowing that I will not win." Rin thought to himself smiling, then slowly drifted off into another daydream.

"Okumura! I swear to the nine circles of the flush! Your eyes should be open looking ahead in your books!" The teacher started to screech once more trying to get his words into Rin's thick skull.

"Does anyone know what a coal tar is? Okumura do you?" The teacher asked Rin staring into his soul.

"Uh, a what now? Oh! A coal tar! Yeah, no I don't have any idea on what those are." Rin started rubbing his hand behind his head looking at the clock waiting for the bell to ring.

"Alright class they are-," The bell rang," Ha well that's the bell we will continue this important lecture tomorrow." He rushed out of the classroom. Then, the next teacher walked in.

"Sorry I have not been here in days, it's just that my asshole is so clean after being constipated for at least a week, but I swear this will never happen again. Anyway I graded the tests your substitute gave you guys." The teacher that walked in was. The old man?

"Old man you came out alive?" Rin stood up looking at him," I thought the shit you were taking was too powerful and was going to consume you whole."

"Wow I see you have low expectations for me. Here take your test. I am ashamed of the grade you made. You are Yukio's older twin after all." He handed Rin's paper over and on the paper he only made a 2.

"Ms. Moriyama come get your paper you made a 41, but at least it's a better score than that boy I call my son." Fujimoto handed Shiemi her paper and she looked at it glumly.

"Oh I thought I would've done better on a test about plants." She took her seat and Bon looked at Rin about to laugh.

"Wow I didn't know a two was possible" Bon said putting his paper away.

"Oh yeah well what did you get Rooster Boy?" Rin smiled thinking that Bon didn't do any better.

"I got a 98 fool next time, maybe you should stop fooling around with that girl." Bon put his paper up and stared at Rin angrily.

"Really? How could a punk rock dropout like you pass with flying colors?" Rin stared at Bon pissed off clutching his test in his fist.

"Well guess what this punk rock dropout actually puts time to study and wants to become an exorcist. Everyone else came here to become an exorcist and are trying their best! Someone as clueless as you should get lost already." Bon yelled in a serious manner. Rin looked at him bitterly.

"Believe it or not, I want to become an exorcist too! I am just more challenged and need to learn in-the-field rather than learn in some cooped up classroom!" Rin exclaimed as Yukio ran to Rin's classroom to hold him by his arms to restrain him at the same time Shima and Konekomaru did the same to Bon.

"Please Suguro, you have the right idea. Tell him off some more!" Yukio's face was full of delight and glasses completely white. Fujimoto was off to the side observing.

"Let's throw them in a cage and have them fight to the death." Fujimoto said with a grin on his face.

"Who's side are you two on?" Rin pushed himself away from Yukio and grumpily looked at Yukio and Fujimoto.

"Why are we on the side that opposes you and gets better grades on quizzes of course!" Fujimoto laughed out and pointed at Rin,"Well that's the end of second period now please leave."

Rin, Shiemi, and Yukio were sitting on a fountain in the courtyard,"So that Suguro guy, is he really that smart?" Yukio stared at Rin.

"Suguro? Why he is actually a prodigy! He attends this school on a scholarship just like me and not you! He is also, from what I hear, the heir to an honorable and historic toilet company in Kyoto. So, if you want to get better grades then him well good luck with that because whenever I try to help you you just tell me to flush myself down the toilet."

"Go figure that kid is loaded with money." Rin started to kick his legs back and forth.

"He is an accomplished athlete, exceptional student, knows how to plunge five toilets at once, and very observant in class. And, guess what none of those words match up to you," Rin was starting to grab his sheathed plunger. But, Yukio grabbed his hand and wagged his finger multiple times," So, anyways Shiemi how's school treating you?"

"Could be better but overall good plants so this school gets a solid B+." Shiemi looked into Yukio's blue eyes.

"At least while you attended this school you gained a necessary confidence boost." Yukio smiled staring back into Shiemi's eyes," You are like a new human being make sure not to get anxious."

"Ok Yuki those words will be lodged into my brain for as long as I live." Shiemi smiled

"Ha well I gotta go teach a class now. Cya!" Yukio got up and ran. He ran as fast as his legs would allow him. Shiemi turned over to Rin.

"Do I fit into this cram school Rin? Be honest with me." Shiemi turned and looked at the water in the fountain," hey do you think that the fishes understand what we say because if they did oh boy would they be sad." All Rin could do was blink his eyes and say one response.

"Ha ha nope." Shiemi turned back to Rin.

"That's good to hear!" A smile reappeared on her face,"Hey so like you wanna be my friend because the only friends I have are plants and that's a little depressing." Suddenly, Bon and his posy stepped forward.

"What did I tell y'all Rin is with his girlfriend! You must be some big shot coming to an elite plumbing school like this one." Shima and konekomaru just stared at Rin. Then, Takara walked up behind them holding up his puppet.

"Guys! Treat your classmate equally! Treat others how you want to be treated! Gosh." Takara started to shake his head.

"Wait, the puppeteer talks?" Bon asked, turning around to look at Takara.

"Well yeah! This puppet talks about literature so watch out guys. My puppets are big on THE liberal arts," Takara's lips did not move once as if the puppet was the true speaker as the puppet started to nod and recite a Shakespeare quote, forebodingly" Hell is empty and all the devils are here.” Rin started sweating profusely. Takara was about to speak but Rin cut him off very hastily.

"Um so anyways. Bon why are you always hanging around your crew huh?" Bon looked stunned. Shima started laughing.

"You know Bon he isn't wrong," Bon and Rin looked at each other aggressively," You know they are very similar."

Rin and the others headed to their third period class and started running away from a huge frog trying to outrun the other person,"Gentlemen, this is not a race understand? The goal is to get you conditioned to demons' movements!" Their teacher started yelling," anticipate the Reaper's movements!" Neither of them listened though they just kept running.

Shima and the others sat at the ledge,” Bon’s a pretty fast runner, kudos to that kid for keeping a pace.”

“Ha Rooster Boy is slacking why don’t you pick up the pace!” Rin turned around continuing to run then all of a sudden Bon kicks him in the back and he plummets to the ground in defeat.

“Now that’s what I’m talking-” Suddenly, Bon turned around and the Reaper stood right behind him. But, the teacher pulled the chain around its neck back.

“Do you have a death wish or something? What the hell’s wrong with you? Huh?” Rin and Bon started panting profusely from all the running.

“So, what was that all about?” Rin turned around to Bon.

“I’d rather die than lose to a scumbag like you!” Rin started blushing from anger.

“Oh so you want to die what about now?” Rin began walking over to Bon.

Bon turned around,” Ha bring it on I’d like to see you try!” RIn tackled Bon and they fell to the ground. The teacher ran over.

“Hey, hey now. We’re in the middle of class. If anything do this after class please I don’t want to lose my job!” The teacher grabbed Rin and Konekomaru and Shima grabbed Bon.

“Sorry sir we will continue this later like you said to.” Shima told the teacher nervously. 

“Suguro, because you disrupted my class, I’d like to have a word with you.” Bon shook his head and followed the teacher. Everyone looked at them leaving.

“What’s his problem?” Rin asked with a very angry expression.

“Sorry about him. Bon’s a good guy but he can be a real scumbag sometimes,” Shima laughed out,” he’s here because of his big ambitions.” Konekomaru stood there saying nothing. Rin turned to Shima.

“Ambitions?” Rin looked at Konekomaru and Shima in confusion.

“You see Bon wants to defeat the toilet in the underworld. So, in order to do that he is studying his ass off.” Shima said with a smile. Rin thought about what happened to Fujimoto.

“Come on! He wants to do what I do. Copycat!” Rin thought to himself.

“Funny right?” Rin gave a blank expression to Shima.

“What’s so funny about wanting to defeat Satan Shima?” 

“It is not a laughing matter. You see the whole thing with Bon is that he wants to restore our temple, which fell into ruin because of the “Blue Night.”  
“Blue Night… What happened there?” Konekomaru got his textbook out.

“Wow this dumbass has never heard of it, Konekomaru. Everyone’s heard of it!” Shima was shocked as a nimbus of ignorance and idiocy filled the area,” Konekomaru tell him about. The story.” Konekomaru looked up at him worriedly and nodded.

“The Blue Night happened 16 years ago, Satan stretched all the pipes open and the demons came out of the toilets. It was a massacre! My parents, Shima’s older brother, and Bon’s grandfather died that dreadful night. The toilets everywhere were full of blood and many other colors. Those flames of Satan’s killed. If I were the son of Satan I would never show those flames in public.” Rin stared at him blankfully.

“After that night, our priest became a man, finished his training, and took over the temple. But, our temple is now thought of to be cursed so people don’t stop by very often. Which if you ask me is a bummer because I want my palette of women to expand. I have seen many pretty women but they don’t meet my standards. Nuh uh!” Shima wagged his finger at Rin.

“Yeah me and Shima are monks in training at Bon’s temple. We decided to follow him into the plumb exorcist cram school, hoping to become exorcists and restore our temple to its former glory.” Konekomaru put his hand to his chest.

“Bon’s got a full plate. You could say he is a driven man. But, he’s a good guy once you get to know him so cut him a little slack, okay?” Shima shrugged his arm.

“Oh yeah I’ll cut that beautiful man some slack all right.” Rin said under his breath smiling.

“What was that Okumura?” Konekomaru asked, tilting his head.

“Oh, I just said that I will try to cut him some slack.” Rin blushed from embarrassment and swinged his arm up cheerfully.

“Hmmm. Well that’s good!” Shima stared down Rin then gave him a thumbs up. After their discussion, Izumo and Sheimi were up next.

“It’s not like I want to do this assignment or anything.” Izumo flipped her pigtail and started walking down. Shiemi followed. But, during the training Shiemi kept tripping.

“How many times are you going to trip and why are you the only person here not wearing sweats?” The teacher looked down at her intensely.

“Sorry sir, I just don’t really have anything else to wear that’s good for sports. But, overall this class gets a solid B so keep up the good work teacher!” Shiemi gave the teacher a big thumbs up, meanwhile he stared at her and gave her a thumbs up back after a minute.

“Next up are Yamada and Shima!” Shima slid down the ledge and the hooded person followed him. 

Izumo patted Shiemi’s shoulder, “It’s not like I wanted you to go in front of me so I’ll go first. Thanks!” Shiemi got out of Izumo’s way politely. And, Izumo sat down next to her “best friend” Paku.

“You did a good job out there Izumo!” Paku handed Izumo a bottle of water as she laid on the ground. Then, a phone began to ring. 

“Hey! Whose phone is that? In the middle of class? No way!” Bon folded his arms angrily. The teacher took his phone out.

“Hello? What’s wrong honey? Oh no! Right now? This can’t wait? Um. Ok I’ll be right there,” The teacher put his phone up as Bon fell to the ground,”I need to leave my little kitty awaits me! Oh yeah and don’t go near the Reaper thing those things can read minds and attack, but they’re mostly docile so bye!” After the teacher said those words, he ran out of the building.

“Did you hear that? He said his “little kitty” I have so much to learn!” Shima pulled out a small notepad and started writing words down.

“We’re taking a break for a booty call? Is that even aloud?” Paku asked, weirded out.

“What a disgrace to the culture of teaching. He should be fired for such actions don’t you agree Mr. Puppet?” Takara popped back out from the shadows and sat down.

“I thought True Flush Academy was a sacred place to learn. Even the students here aren’t any better.” Bon turned his head to look straight at Rin.

“Hey! Seriously just drop that already why don’t we just make up. I’m motivated to defeat Satan so just take that piece of information to mind. We do have the same ambition after all!” Bon looked at him for a moment than thought for a moment.

“Well for now let’s just be rivals because guess what? I’ll be the first to defeat Satan so watch out!” Rin smirked a little at Bon’s response.

“Fine but you should be the one looking out,” Bon smirked back at Rin,”Wait. Did you guys tell him my ambitions?” Bon got mad and looked at Shima and Konekomaru.

“We may or may not have told him. Ha.” Shima put his arm behind his head and laughed nervously. Bon put his hand out. Rin looked up at him.

“Wait. Can I?” Rin’s eyes began to sparkle.

“No. But, this makes up for some of the things you said.” Rin smiled.

“Well that’s better than nothing at least pal.” Rin put his arm around Bon’s neck, but that moment died off fast. Bon moved away from Rin.

“Lets go guys! The bell rang!” Bon and the others walked away and Rin stood by himself looking like he was defeated.

“This won’t be the last time!” Rin clenched his fist and caught up with the others.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Hey Rin, what are you up to?” Yukio walked into the classroom where Rin had a pile of books and sat next to Shiemi.

“I’m studying brother. What else would I be up to?” Yukio stared at him in shock then covered his mouth.

“Oh no it is the sign of the apocalypse!” Rin looked at Yukio in anger.

“What is that supposed to mean? Oh come on! Why do my hair strands keep getting in my face? It’s really annoying.” Bon walked into the classroom and blushed as he handed Rin his hair clip.

“After what happened yesterday, I never got to say. Thank you for bonding with me man. I use this to keep my hair out of the way when I study at night. You can borrow it,” After Bon handed it to Rin, he put his nose up to it,”Hey why are you smelling it?”

“I need to make sure you aren’t trying to poison me! The apocalypse can happen at any moment now. Who knows what the day will bring.” Rin looked around, and Yukio grinned.

“Well Rin is it laced in poison?” Rin looked over at Yukio.

“No I don’t believe it is. But, thanks for the gesture Suguro!” Rin put the clip in his hair.


	5. Sewer Key Shenanigans

“Hey Yukio where do babies come from?” Rin asked Yukio in his bed laying down since the previous night looking at Bon’s hair clip in their special dorms. 

“Can you ask a different question Rin?” Yukio stared at Rin with eyes full of fear.

“Where do the keys go and how do they come back?” Rin told Yukio getting up and putting on his hair clip. Yukio spat out his coffee and looked over at Rin.

“Is the first question still up for grabs? Because I can tell you how babies are made. You see Rin, a man and a woman could love each other very very much-” Rin sprinted across the room and covered Yukio’s mouth, shushing him from speaking more words.

“Stop Fujimoto already gave me the talk. I just wanted you to answer my question about keys. I don’t wanna have this awkward conversation after what happened to Shiemi.” Yukio uncovered his mouth and looked at Rin confused.

“What happened with Shiemi?” Rin walked over to the window and stared at the sky,”It all started…

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a dark and gloomy night, the rain was making a ruckus. I summoned Mephisto for an intervention. Mephisto sat at his desk and there were two seats, There was one seat that was vacant. I looked back and told Shiemi to take a seat with Mephisto Pheles.

“Why have I been summoned by thee?” Shiemi said, standing in the doorframe looking at the somber scene as her bright kimono juxtaposed to the rest of the haunting scene. The room had a very tense aura like some serious shit was about to go down. Mephisto took out a pile of papers and slammed them on the desk. “You know damn well why you're here!” Rin shouted at Shiemi. She flinched back a little and her legs started to tremble as she walked over to the other seat. “Well now that the little delinquent is here we can finally get down to business,” Mephisto quickly stood up and pointed at Shiemi’s cute face,”YOU! You made a yelp review on our school and gave us a B+. A B fucking plus! Our school is a very prestigious institution and we can’t let farmers like you slander our school! Let me tell you girlfriend the next time your toilet has a demon you should damn well know that we won’t help you so you can feel regret! You brought dishonor upon your store! Upon your family! Upon your horse!”

“But sir I don’t have a horse-” Shiemi looked at Mephisto in pure confusion.

“Don’t interrupt me like that maggot! Rin get the PragerU graph out,” Rin took a very simplified graph,” The x-axis represents applications to our fine establishment and the y-axis represents you speaking. As you can see, there is a correlation between your ass speaking and our succession as a school. We cannot have our students yelping on the job. Your job is first and foremost to be a student and nothing more than that ok. If you don’t want your windows busted you better shut up because we have connections to certain people you see dear child. We can’t have you as a future exorcist writing libel about our associates. You will destroy this establishment and I can’t have that. You mustn’t throw your life away like this, Rin quickly grab her phone!” Rin leaped onto Shiemi and tried to grab her phone.

“Rin how could you?” Shiemi sobbed clenching her phone,” Please don’t take my entire life away! This phone is way too expensive for your poor asses to afford okay?” Shiemi pushed Rin away and tried to run away, but the phone started falling from her pocket. It was too late and boom it smashed against the floor, and we held a very vivid party and Mephisto ordered the finest tea and crumpets as we layed in his jacuzzi inside the hot pink limousine.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Uh Rin sorry to burst your bubble and all but instead of listening to your weird story I called Shiemi and she is just as confused as I am. It’s eight we should probably go to class.” Rin looked at his watch and started to run. But, in his head he wondered if he was drugged after all by Bon’s hair clip that would explain everything! 

"Wait... So you're telling me this was all a fever dream. Damn that was an intense dream. After this, I think Shiemi's Yelp account needs an exorcist." Rin stared at the ground scared but also following Yukio hesitantly. Yukio kept his mouth shut because he is sick of all his time being wasted with a pointless dream.

After a few classes went by, we entered Fujimoto’s class but when we entered the old man was not there but instead a creepily smiling Yukio,” So earlier you wanted to hear about the keys I heard.” Everyone looked at Rin.

“Why would you question these keys, Okumura. It makes perfectly normal sense. You throw it into a toilet and then a portal a- wait.... How do they come back to your pockets?” Bon also wondered and looked at Yukio. Yukio looked at everyone and took out his key ring.

“Well then why don’t we find out miss smarty pants. With every question there will be an answer and sometimes that answer will haunt you till the end of time.”

“Wait what-” Yukio grabs everyone's hand as he drags them all into the boy’s restroom.

“It’s not like it smells like ass in here or anything? Is this why men dream about the girls restroom?” Shima looked over at Izumo as she spoke.

“Actually I dream about seeing some N I C E tits.” Izumo bitch slapped Shima.

“No one asked for your opinion incel!” Shima put his hand where Izumo slapped him.

“Slapped by a chick? Nice. I gotta mark this off my bucket list and tell Konekomaru about this-” Shima looked down and saw Konekomaru looking at him after a flash came from his phone.

“I’m right here you know. And plus that’s one for the cringe comp.” Shima cold heartedly stared at Konekomaru but then Yukio started to try to get everyone’s attention so he looked over.

“OK guys the best bet is for everyone to use the buddy system!” Yukio declared and everyone looked at each other.

“Isn’t that for small children or something?” Bon asked, flexing his manly muscles. Rin looked at Bon’s biceps with a sparkle in his eye.

“Flexing isn’t necessary but yeah he proves a small, dumb point.” Yukio slapped his face into his palm.

“Exorcists work together and don’t leave a man behind so group together or you eat lunch with me in the teacher’s lounge.” Everyone started to panic. Shima started to run towards the girls.

“Hey so like can I buddy up with you Izumo? I really wanna see some action if you know what I mean.” Izumo punched him in the guts causing him to hit the bathroom sinks.

“Hey are you guys fighting?!” Shima and Izumo both looked at Yukio," This is like kindergarten all over again." He mumbled under his breath.

“No.” They said in unison and Izumo headed into Paku’s direction.

“It’s not like I wanna be your partner or anything.” Izumo twirled a strand of hair between her fingers and Paku locked her arm with Izumo and they skipped towards the magical toilet. Izumo did a twirl and stuck her tongue out at Shima as they walked away. Shima felt hurt- no, rejected. So, he went up to Konekomaru who was talking to Bon.

“Hey pal so you. Me. buddies?” Konekomaru turned around after Shima said those words.

“I may be as blind as a bat but I have very sharp ears and you already tried to pair up with a chick so no thanks I’ll pair up with Bon,” he looked over and Bon was already talking to someone else,” ugh fine penis for brains.” Shima hugged Konekomaru.

“Thank you! Thank you! I won’t have to deal with shady cloak guy or deranged liberal arts puppet man!” They both started jumping up and down but Konekomaru looked at everyone with discomfort. 

“Hey since there are three people left, Shiemi, Bon, and Rin will all pair up,” Rin got on his knees and begged Bon to take her after the flashback he had,”Fine Rin I’ll take Shiemi and you’ll be with Bon.” Everyone walked over to the toilet and Yukio took out many keys and threw one in leading to the sewer.

“We’ll go first!” Rin yelled grasping onto Bon’s hand,”Let’s fucking gooooo!” They jumped in then Izumo’s group and so on. The last group to enter were Shiemi and Yukio.

“Ok so this is where the keys go but after a little while they will appear in your pockets drenched in discolored toilet water. I say touch these keys with a washcloth or anything that isn’t your bare skin… Like your dead father’s hand. But, we have to find out where they go in between these two time frames so let’s get to work I guess.” Izumo and Paku continued to skip down one tunnel. Rin and Bon went into the opposite tunnel but Shima and Konekomaru followed them at a distance. 

“I dunno if it’s just me Okumura, but I feel like we are being followed.” Bon said as they both slowly turned around as Shima and Konekomaru couldn’t find a place to hide so they dived into the water because they were committed to their spy work.

“I think you might be hearing voices. We should probably continue looking for these keys.” Bon looked over at Rin.

“Yeah. I guess we should, but I bet I’ll find the keys faster than you!” Bon began to run and Rin grumpily tried keeping up with him.

“Hey! You won’t find them first. Because we are supposed to work together man. This is bonding time and nothing comes between bonding time. Or at least that’s what Yukio always randomly blurts out. Seriously sometimes he’s just like this.” Rin looked at Bon and they continued walking and suddenly Rin took out his key,” I wonder what would happen if I were to just.” And he threw his key into the sewer.

“Are you that idiotic Okumura? What if it disappears forever.” After Bon said that Rin looked at the key as it floated away… It didn’t come back.

“Shit,” But as Rin said that the sound of footsteps could be heard running hastily close by and then the few lights went off,” double shit.”

“Why didn’t your brother assign more people in each group and maybe with brighter people?” Bon looked at Rin and Rin shrugged.

“I dunno but maybe we should try to find out where all that noise came from, and I’ll ignore you ever said that in front of me.” They both continued walking and it took them half an hour of searching to finally find a door. Bon kicked the metal door opening almost causing it to come off its hinges. 

“What the actual fuck is this!” Bon and Rin looked at each other confused and looked back into the room full to the brim with keys.

“Oh my this is where keys actually come from. I think I’m gonna be sick!” Rin put his hand over his mouth due to the putrid smell. It smelt as though those keys were flushed down the toilet over and over again.

“I mean we should probably go in whether we want to or not and find out who is behind this once and for all.” Bon walked in and Rin followed behind him. They started to look around and saw no one, but Bon looked up at the ceiling and saw a hooded figure hanging onto the walls.

“What are you doing up there? Hey wait… Are you the one hoarding all these keys? Not cool man. Not cool,” Bon started shaking his hand as he grabbed a nearby rope,” You know what happens to people who just aren’t cool? We tie them up and interrogate them. Okumura grab the other side!” He threw the other end to Rin and they started tying the hooded man up.

“I had a flashback kinda like this but without all the tying up part and Shiemi was there.”

Bon and the hooded man looked at Rin confused.

“I’m sorry that happened bro. Wait.. I shouldn’t be talking. I'm giving my cover away.” Shima walked in after hiding behind the wall.

“Were you here this entire time? And where’s Konekomaru?” Bon looked at Shima who looked at the hooded man.

“What is going on here. I swear if that’s a woman this just isn’t the way to go,” Shima shook his head disappointed in Bon,” I swear every guy these day’s treat women poorly.” Bon and Rin both looked up at Shima.

“What are you talking about. One day I walked into your room and you were doing this. You sound like a hypocrite, but we actually have a good reason for this. This guy has been hoarding toilet keys for probably months.” Rin looked at the hooded figure then back at Bon and Shima for a few seconds.

“Well are we going to unmask the hoe or not?” Rin moved aside as Bon started moving towards the man and pulled down his hood.

“Takara?!” They all screamed together.

“And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids.” Takara untied himself trying to get his puppet out.

“But why?” Shima looked at him confused and so did everyone else.

“Hey Okumura! I knew what happened to that key of yours, five bucks and I can give it to you with less of a sewer stench.” Bon and Shima turned to Rin who took out his wallet.

“Do you have change for a 20?” Takara snatched his twenty and put it into his back pocket.

“Ha no. Background characters have to make money somehow and plus that liberal arts degree wasn’t cheap.” Takara’s puppet opened its mouth and a key appeared. Rin snatched it out its mouth and happily put it into his front pocket.

“So this is what happens to all the keys Takara?” Shima got his first good glimpse at the room.

“Ha yep but normally I steal money and make them forget this ever happened.”

“How do you make them forget this ever happened.” Takara took out three pairs of shades, handing one to Rin and Bon then took out what looked to be a flashlight. Once everyone but their shades on, Takara turned the light on and suddenly Shima snapped back into reality,” Bon where are we and why does it smell? Wait… Why do you guys look like you're all from Men in Black?”

“It’s best if you don’t know man.” Bon patted his back as everyone left the room and suddenly Yukio ran up to the four of them without Shiemi.

“Are Bon and Rin seriously the only group that didn’t split up? Wow the bar dropped so much you guys smacked your heads on it. I thought you guys would be smarter but damn Rin actually passed!” Yukio looked at the confused people but Rin who was hurt from those words,” But anyway, ha. I guess you guys finally found out where the keys come from.”

“Wait… You knew this entire time and didn't bother telling us?” Rin stared at Yukio angrily hoping for a perfectly good reason.

“I wanted you guys to learn about this yourselves and plus… It’s pretty funny. Oh everyone else is already back in the classroom I guess the only people without a detention are Rin and Suguro for not getting lost. Today’s a weird day.” Yukio threw a key up into the sky where they had entered from. Right before anyone jumped up Shima opened his mouth.

“Oh yeah Okumura threw his key into water thinking it would come back to him and was ripped off by Takara by giving him 20 bucks.” Rin and Yukio both looked at Shima.

“Rin! Why am I not surprised.” Rin glared at Shima who started laughing and everyone jumped back and were back in the boys bathroom. They headed back to their class and everyone looked at them.

“It’s not like I wanted you guys to come back or anything.” Izumo flipped her hair back.

“What a lovely greeting from Kamiki!” Rin grunted while everyone else slapped their face with their hands.

“That sewer gets a low C because look at what it did to my kimono. Ugh this stain will never come out! And plus, I got lost within a minute and it is super smelly like Oh My God! You could at least light a few scented candles! Like Mephisto is So dirt cheap when it comes to sewers not many people see.” Shiemi yelled out while rapidly moving her fingers on her phone’s keyboard.

“Well class everyone but Suguro and Rin have detention for not listening to my preach about the buddy system.” Rin and Bon got up to head to the dorms but then right in front of the doorway, Rin turned around to make one comment.

“Kindergarten was a rough year for little ol’ Yukio.” Before Yukio could say anything Rin tried to catch up with Bon,” Hey let’s go to my dorm Suguro because I need help in all of my classes and you seem to be smart.” They headed to Rin and Yukio’s dorm and Bon took out all of their textbooks.

“What is the name of God’s son? You should know this answer because I mean you were raised in a monastery after all.” Bon asked Rin thinking he couldn’t be that dumb.

“God has a son?” Rin looked at the textbook and in big letters the first page of Bon’s textbook read J E S U S. Bon looked up and was surprised with Rin’s stupidity.

“This is gonna be a long 3 hours.” Bon took out a big bible. Rin fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Takara is a scam artist. Too much financial debt.


	6. Paku Where are You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paku is missing. So it is up to Bon and Rin to find her.

“Can we take a break Suguro. I need to see a tree.” Rin threw a bible across the room and stared at Bon.

“Fine Okumura. We can take a quick fifteen minute break,” Bon walked over and stared at the bible and back at Rin,” And don’t throw such a valuable book full of ancient scriptures like it’s a boomerang.” Rin stood up.

“Do not give a lecture. Yukio gives me enough of those. Now please I want to see a tree,” Rin went over towards the door and quickly opened it,” After you my dear associate.” He gestured for Bon to leave. Bon walked out the door and Rin followed. He took the room key out and looked at it for a minute.

“Are you coming or what? This was your idea. Come on!” Rin locked the door and looked at Bon.

“After the events of today. Don’t you not want to look at a key ever again knowing where they could end up.” Bon looked at Rin dumbfounded.

“Dude. That’s a room key not a magical teleportation key. How does this kind of stuff cross your mind.” Rin stared at Bon and looked fearful.

“After everyday’s events Yukio gets his journal out. And everything he writes down, he whispers to himself. He does not know how to whisper. I have heard a lot.” Bon looked a little disgusted.

“What the fuck… Why don’t we go find that tree you want to see?” Bon and Rin walked out of the building in complete silence and when they walked out they saw Yukio and Izumo frantically hanging fliers all over the place.

“Hey Kamiki. What are you guys doing?” Knowing how Izumo would respond, Rin asked her the question anyway.

“It’s not like I wanted Paku to go missing or anything!” As usual, Izumo flipped her pigtail back. But, Rin and Bon looked at each other.

“The girl you locked arms and frolicked through the sewer with? How could you two have gotten separated?” Izumo looked up from her missing fliers, that were obviously made by her, and stared down Bon after he spoke the god forsaken words.

“It’s not like… I wanted her to go missing or anything. Suguro!” Izumo flung the fliers into Yukio’s hands and walked up towards Bon,” My top priority is finding my bestfriend and I swear you are not leaving until you have hung up all those fliers and the same goes for you little alter boy!” She pointed at the fliers in Yukio’s hands and his glasses shimmered with a creepy grin looking straight at Rin.

“Hey! I know I come from a monastery and all… And my dad is a top exorcist. But, I am not one of those damn alter boys! And Yukio please stop being so creepy your face would scare kindergarteners away if they saw that!” Izumo ignored Rin and took the fliers she forcibly handed to Yukio and handed them to Rin and Bon. And, Yukio looked at Rin with a very glum face.

“By the time the sunsets all the wonderfully made fliers better be hung up in miscellaneous places,” Izumo flipped her hair again,” It’s not like I wanted to give you this job or anything!” After speaking such words of wisdom, Izumo and Yukio walked off leaving Bon and Rin with some weird ass looking fliers.

“Do you think Takara had something to do with Paku going missing? Bon considered to be one of many possibilities. Rin stared at him.

“Wow. He did take a whole lot of keys maybe just maybe. He also wanted to go after a girl.” Rin and Bon glanced at each other and ran in the direction of Fukimoto’s classroom where Takara should be. They entered the classroom and saw Shima and Konekomaru playing poker with Shiemi and Takara.

“Ha Shiemi! Guess you lost your chips again!” Shima said, grabbing all the chips in the pile.

“Damn it! I really need to learn the rules of this card game. Until I do so, I give this card game a solid… I’ll be lenient, a B-,” Shiemi turned and saw Bon and Rin peering over them,” Oh hi there Suguro and Rin! Do you think you could help me win back my chips? All the money I lost was supposed to go towards lunch for the next week.” Shiemi stared at them hoping for at least a maybe.

“Helping you with your gambling addiction comes later. Right now we want the puppet guy to come with us! But, seriously Shiemi what the actual. When we met you seemed wholesome and did your gardening but now that you're in this class you’ve become a gambling yelper. What’s next you're gonna start drinking an alcoholic beverage?” Shiemi started to pour herself a glass of sake and looked up.

“It’s not what it looks like I swear! I don’t have another addiction. Hey! You wanted Takara. Right? Well you can have him and be on your way!” Shiemi shoved Takara towards Bon and pulled her hand of cards to her face.

“Hey Shiemi! That sake looks kinda nice! Can you maybe. Share?” Shima started to reach his hand out but Shiemi pulled it away from him.

“I got this for a limited time offer! It was buy one get one fifty percent off! Like I’ll share my sake with someone!” Shima fell hurt and Bon, Rin, and Takara left the classroom before anything escalated.

“What does thou need I for?” Takara’s literature puppet started talking as he was being dragged through the hallway and stopped in front of a very small classroom. Bon opened the door and inside was a desk and two seats on one side and a seat on the other.

“Why we’re going to interrogate you of course!” All three of them entered the classroom Takara felt hesitant but Rin and Bon shoved him into a seat. And, Rin slammed his hand against the desk.

“Hey Suguro, why don’t I be good cop and you be bad cop?” Bon looked over at the hand Rin slammed onto the smooth, wooden desk.

“Good cops normally don’t slam their hands against a desk,” Rin quickly took his hand off the desk and held it to his face checking for splinters,” but, I do like the idea of being the bad cop.” Bon took out a police cap from his pocket and put it on his head. Takara looked up at the clock ticking on the wall.

“Are we going to get this interrogation over with or not? Why am I even here anyway?” The more intelligent sounding puppet on Takara’s left hand spoke.

“Remember how you were stealing keys in the sewer. Well when we were down there by any chance did you steal Paku? And if you decide not to say anything. I have ways to make you speak.” Takara and his two hand puppets looked at Rin and then Bon over and over again.

“Seriously. You think I am that desperate to get a girl? Let alone a girl that seems to be taken by Kamiki? Ew. Do you take me for Shima or something?” Rin started to snicker in his seat, but before any noise left Rin’s mouth Bon hit his arm.

“If it wasn’t you. Then who else would have Paku. And ow! That really hurt!” Rin started to rub where Bon punched him. Takara looked down at his literature puppet and at the more logical puppet. 

“Well. Maybe something didn’t take her but what if something led her somewhere.” Bon looked at Takara’s logical puppet with a blank stare.

“So, a demon that leads people into mysterious places.... Maybe Okurmura’s brother knows a thing or two about those. Thank you for your time, Takara's puppet we need to go now!” Bon and Rin rushed out of the door but it turns out they tied up Takara so he wouldn’t attempt to escape.

“Hey! Guys? Can you come untie me? This is why I should never get too involved with the plot!” Takara just sat there while Bon and Rin rushed out of the main building and Rin took out the phone Fujimoto gave him while he was constipated.

“I hope Yukio didn’t change his phone number!” He put in some numbers and hit call. They waited a few moments and then someone answered.

“Hello! Okumura speaking? Is this another scam call? They really need to stop telling me that my car insurance still needs to be paid. I don’t even own a car!” Rin nodded knowing this was definitely Yukio.

“Yukio? Yeah this is Rin? By any chance do you know of any demons that lead people into mysterious places? Because we think maybe that’s how Paku went missing.” Yukio gasped through the phone.

“Do you by chance have that bible I gave you on you because if you turn to scripture nine-hunded there’s a story of a demon cat leading kids and teens into back alley ways and robbing them of sake.” Rin looked at Bon discreetly and Bon snatched Rin’s phone.

“Actually! This dumb for brains threw that bible of his across the room and in fact does not have it with him!” Yukio sighed and started to mumble a bunch of nonsense.

“If only we had a Moosekedoer like in Mickey Moose Funhouse because there’s this thing called Toddles and he’s here and there! All you have to say is Toddles!” Yukio kept talking about that kid show and Bon quickly hung up and gave Rin his phone back.

“Is he seriously always like this? I thought when he brought up the buddy system he was just messing around.” Rin gave Bon a very depressed look.

“Sadly he has been like this since kindergarten. But, I’ll have to save that story for a more appropriate time.” Rin and Bon headed back to Rin’s dorm to retrieve the bible. They walked into the room, grabbed the bible, turned to scripture nine-hundred and read it out loud.

“There was a cat named Kuro sent straight from the pits of Hell and his goal is to rob the alcoholics in alleyways for his favorite beverage. But, after decades passed by Kuro mysteriously disappeared. Some say he still roams the islands of Japan looking for a good cup of sake.” Bon closed the book and Rin looked at him.

“You know Suguro. You have a really good reading voice.” Bon gave Rin a confused look.

“If you say that then why was it when I read a bunch of bible scriptures you paid absolutely no attention.”

“Well jeez Suguro! Have you ever met a guy with a short attention span before?” Rin watched as Bon put the book up and he thought for a moment.

“Wait a minute! The cat likes sake right? And you know who got a good deal on sake? Shiemi! All we need to do is take away her sake and go into an alleyway and maybe we can summon Kuro and get Paku back!” Rin ran back to the classroom and Bon followed.

“Why is it that we keep running back and forth?” Bon asked while they continued running.

“Well I mean. About half our class is in detention. Where else would they be at? The cafeteria?” Rin answered back and they slammed open the classroom doors,” Shiemi! Give us that sake! We need to summon a demon to get Paku back!”

“Ha! Like I’ll let you get this sake for free! Beat me at a game of poker and then I’ll hand it over to you!” Rin sat down and they both took a small stack of poker chips.

“Are you seriously going to play poker with someone addicted to this game?” Bon whispered into Rin’s ear but Rin smiled at him.

“Don’t you remember what she said before? She has no idea what she’s doing and I used to play this with my old man so don’t worry I know the rules!” Bon gave him a thumbs up and wished him luck. Just before the cards were dealt, Takara, still tied to a chair, came through the door.

“For crying out loud! Moriyama! You fucking suck at this game! I witnessed you losing to Shima, Miwa, and I for at least ten rounds! Just hand him the sake for crying out loud!” Shiemi held her bottle of sake like a mother cradling her baby.

“But, the one time offer-” Shiemi was about to finish when Takara’s logical puppet interrupted her.

“To hell with your “one time offer”! Just give him your sake, don't you want Paku back and for Kamiki to stop obsessing over getting her back?” Shiemi grunted and after a minute of staring at her sake child she finally handed it over to Rin.

“You better not use the whole bottle up or else you owe me three thousand yen!” Rin looked at the bottle and noticed the price tag and made a deal with Shiemi that he’ll use only what is necessary. And, they headed towards the alleyway conveniently right next to the main building at True Flush Academy.

“Wow. Who would’ve thought that an alleyway would be right next to the building we’re taught at. Suguro you have the cup?” Bon took out the cup he always carries around with him,” Ok I’ll just pour enough to fill it up and he should arrive at any given time.” All of a sudden right after the last drop of sake touched the cup, a cloud of smoke appeared and before them was an adorable, little, black demon cat and next to him was Paku happily petting the hell out of him.

“I see you have summoned me and Oh My Satan! Is that? Oh boy it is! The state of art three thousand yen sake I used to rob Fujimoto of!” Bon looked at Kuro confused because he saw a cat meowing and jumping around happily.

“Aw the demon cat is so happy and oh! Is that Paku? Paku didn’t look up or anything; she just kept petting Kuro.

“Oh! I see you’ve noticed! She didn’t have any sake, so I put her in a forever lasting state where all she does is give me pets! Fujimoto would be so proud of my accomplishments! I remember hearing that he worked here so I’ve been waiting for him in alleyways nearby but he doesn’t seem to go near them.” Rin started to hug the cat and Bon was still very confused.

“You’re a bad cat! But, oh my god! If you want to see the old man so badly, I’ll take you to him only if you snap Paku out of your trans.” Quickly after hearing Rin say he’ll take him to Fujimoto, Kuro quickly made Paku stop petting him and she snapped back into reality.

“Where. Am I? Suguro, Okumura. What are we doing here?” Bon looked at everyone in pure confusion.

“Okumura. How the hell do you know what that demon cat is saying?” Rin quickly started to sweat and started thinking of a good excuse.

“Well some people call me the… Cat Whisperer!” Rin smiled and Bon bought it,” Well Kuro wants us to take him to Fujimoto and he’s either at the bar or the teacher’s lounge. But, the bar he normally goes to is miles away. So, there’s only one possible place he’d be at.” They walked up to the door leading to the teacher’s lounge and Rin started knocking and Bon started yelling for Fujimoto to get out.

“Hey! What’s with all the screaming? All of us teacher’s are starting to get the cops involved with Paku’s missing case.” Rin and Bon looked at each other and then behind them at Paku.

“We found her but more importantly, we found an old friend of yours!” Paku walked up holding Kuro out and Kuro leaped into Fujimoto’s chest and started purring like crazy.

“Oh man. Kuro is that really you? This is bad timing because I am so busy with work. But, why don’t you stay with Rin and I can stop by every now and then,” Kuro turned around and lept into Rin’s arms and Fujimoto took that as a yes,” Here’s some sake Rin, with Kuro you are going to need this.” Rin took the sake Fujimoto gave him and they headed back to the classroom to give the sake they borrowed from Shiemi and gave it back.

“Aw! Rin! Who’s this little cutie? Oh is that my sake! Back in one piece too! Nevermind about the cat! Hand it over!” Shiemi quickly took the sake and pushed Rin and Kuro out of the way,” Oh how I’ve missed you so greatly! It has been far too long without you!”

“Well thank you Shiemi and his name is Kuro for your information!” Rin held Kuro out but Shiemi showed no interest at all. 

“It’s not like I want to hear everyone celebrating or anything, but Paku is still missing!” Izumo walked in with a handful of missing fliers, but when she looked up every last one fell to the floor. And, she quickly ran over to Paku,” It’s not like I wanted you to come back or anything!” Paku hugged her back.

“Aw. Izumo! I missed you too!” Kuro jumped out of Rin’s hands and started playing with Izumo’s pigtail thinking it’s string.

“Ew. It’s not like I washed my hair this morning or anything!” Izumo went to flip her pigtail, but it was full of cat saliva, so she crossed her arms and pouted instead. And, Rin headed back to his dorm with Kuro, and fell asleep.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They found her

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: The inspiration for this series came from toilet water and how it will splash around and I thought to myself damn man I need an exorcist. I hope you like this and thank you for reading!


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